Difference between revisions 1897816 and 1905712 on enwiki

Page 4 [[Wikipedia:Even more bad jokes and other deleted nonsense|(Previous)]] [[Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense|(First)]]
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''See [[Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense]] for an explanation and the complete listing of BJAODN pages, and [[Wikipedia:More bad jokes and other deleted nonsense]] for earlier contributions. 

''Please add all new additions to this page.''
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From [[Alarm Clock Pizza]]:

How you make Alarm Clock Pizza is:

''Step 1:'' You bi a alarm clock from the store, and then you hav to brake it and put it in the sos.

''Step 2:'' Fold the sos in 5 slises and put it in the doh.

''Step 3:'' Paint the eggs with a piccher uv a clock showing wat time you want to wake up and eat pizza for brekfist.

''Step 4:'' Put the eggs in the doh.

''Step 5:'' Make it flat into a round shape and draw the time you want on ther.

''Step 6:'' Put sum old steel to prevent uther peple from steeling it.

''Step 7:'' Make it flat and cut into 60 slices 1 for ech minit in 1 awr.

''Step 7 and a haf:'' poo on it

''Step 8:'' Put in the uvin set the timer to 30048813.2884 secends and put the tempercer on 'Volcano' seting.

''Step 9:'' If you think it is take to long, then get yor alarm clock and set it to now so that it will ring and you can take it out.

''Step 10:'' Take it out uv the uvin wen it is redy and go to bed. In the morning eat pizza and also eat yor hands bi mistake.

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From [[New Rome]]:

The "NEW ROME" is identical to "OLD ROME" except for the areas where it is different. The primary differences lie in the fact that the OLD ROME is much older than the NEW ROME, which is significantly newer. In addition to the newness of the NEW ROME, it is also important to note that NEW ROME when spelled backwards is EMOR WEN; whereas the OLD ROME spelled backwards is EMOR DLO.

Aside from these differences, the two are essentially identical... except for the flapjacks. 
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(from "Pillsbury Doughboy")

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. 

Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including [[Mrs. Butterworth]], the [[California Raisins]], [[Hungry Jack]], [[Aunt Jemima]], [[Betty Crocker]], the [[Hostess Twinkies]], and [[Skippy]]. 

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." 

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up. 

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at him. 

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven. 

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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''From: [[Philosophy for Non-Philosophers]]''

If you are not the [[philosophy]] type, you can, by reading this, have the simplest answers to any philosophical question somebody might possibly ask you (or you can just read it and maybe get a few laughs)!  Enjoy.

1)  Why are we here?  Because we're here.

2)  Why do things happen?  Because they do.

3)  What is our purpose?  To be here.

4)  What is the point?  Something sharp.

5)  What if the [[Hokey-Pokey]] really IS what it's all about?  **NO ANSWER**

6)  If we really are the only [[sentient]] beings in the [[universe]], it sure would be a big waste of space.

I might come up with more, but feel free to add your own in!

Also see:  [[Philosophy]], [[Philosopher]], [[Eastern philosophy]], [[List of philosophers]]

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From [[Nonsense]]

When the sun set in the sky, fire danced and faeries came out to play. Slowly the moon rose in the south and lit the world with a pale light. Night had begun and the inhabitants of Theslon, the largest natural satelite of Qyrste, rejoiced. All would be fulfilled.

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==[[Useless]]==
This article is [[utterly]] '''useless'''.

Though, not all that is '''useless''' is this article (See: "[[Logic]]").

''[[Wikipedia:Wikipedia is not a dictionary|Wikipedia is not a dictionary]]. For a dictionary definition, see [http://wiktionary.org/wiki/Useless Wiktionary:Useless]''
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From [[Evolution]]:

================SCIENCE FICTION===================

For the real truth about biological evolution visit: http://www.answersingenesis.org

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From [[Ciccaba]]:

From the burning alps of Miami, a treasure bin with a jewish face, and a practical smile, comes the Ciccaba, or for short, Jewish Delight. In 1989, a scientist by the name of Ward Garcenton discovered a cup of warm cider. To his surprise, it wasn't cider, but a sample of urine, from the rare Ciccaba. Taken to the lab that afternoon, Ward realized his Grandma had herpes.
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From [[Bee mine]]:

A '''bee mine''' might also be a [[mine]] where bees are extracted.  Unfortunately, this is impossible as bees are animals and not minerals.
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From [[Cydonia]]:

Cydonia is an ancient civilization that once contained the entire population of inhabitants on the planet Mars. Little is known about this once large "mega-city" built below the surface. Apparrently deserted for approximately half a million years, there is little evidence of whether it was evacuated or the huminoid Martians were somehow destroyed. Previous space-probe missions to the red planet have revealed little about this advanced civilization. Continuing efforts are being undertaken to explore the resources that once fed Cydonia. Water systems would prove especially useful for future colonisation of Mars. The upcoming 2007-8 manned Mars mission, the first of it's kind, will reveal much about the habitability of the harsh planet.

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From [[Cowan, Tennessee]], added by [[user:Sam Klondike]]:

:Cowan is an ancient hamlet settled in coves of the Cumberland Plateau founded in 1774 by one John Cowan the oldest cemetery in Cowan was founded in 1776. Before the arrival of John Cowan and the settlers Cowan was home to Cherokee and Crowe indians who engaged in bitter conflicts over trading rights at Lynda's Market. The coming of the Balrog in 1547 C.E. resulted in the complete destruction of Lynda's Market and the subsequent arrival of Browns Pool Hall. Complete control of Browns Pool Hall was vested in one known only as"popcorn" His name has been lost to antiquity.

:Geographically Cowan is small compared to the rest of the country it is really pretty tiny it has only two stoplights. However, our Little League ball fields are the envy of the county and I'd dare say they are jsut as good as any of your big city ball fields. Our town also boasts a school, 2 convinece stores, a liquor store(closed only on the Lords day), a grocery, 10 churches,4 bars, 6 restuaraunts, a broken down car wash, an out of business laundrymat, and a gun shop, and 27 shade tree mechanics. For recreation "Cowanites" enjoy hunting,fishing, hunting, working on cars, looking for wild animals to kill, beating and chasing dogs, riding around, plowing up dirt, staring into the sun, looing for fish, building cars out of old rusted out parts, shooting things and sometimes people, drinking a lot, going to church on sundays, eating gravey and a biscuit.

:The current mayor of Cowan is the infamous "Chick" Tucker. A veteran of WWII and former employee of the Cowan Limestone Quarry which shut its doors in the early eighties. This great catatastrophe resulted in mass unemployment and an exodus of "Cowanites" who subsequently fled into the hills never to be seen again.

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[[Coeducation]]: Remarkably, after a little more than than a century in the mainstream higher education system of the [[United States]], American women now earn the majority of [[bachelor's degree]]s and account for 60% of the enrolled [[undergraduate]] population. - (<b>Nelson:</b> "<I>Ah</I>-ha!")

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From [[Stuart Murdoch]]:

:Stuart is noted for his love of fine Dutch cheese, his unusually large sexual member, and his reluctance to cut his hair properly.  He weighs exactly 89lbs., and is said to smell of pine tree.

:Stuart grew up with 3 sisters, 1 brother, and a cat named Hairy Balls.
Of Stuart's siblings, only 1 is not jealous of his success.

:Stuart had a passionate love affair with his car Max, but recently auctioned Max off on ebay, like a pimp selling his girls to the highest bidder.

:Stuart is not quite as cute as some people on the B&S Forum would have you believe, but he's certainly better looking than Patti Smith.

Better looking than Patti Smith?  Un-likely! ([[User:Ihcoyc|Smerdis of Tlön]])
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From [[Abelian grape]]:

The Abelian grape meets the criteria of:
1. Being Purple
2. Commutes

Although Abelian grapes are similar to [[Abelian group]]s one must be careful and note the subtle differences.

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Do not confuse abelian groups with Abelian grape.

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From history of [[Wikipedia:Edit conflicts]]

Wikipedia:Edit conflicts
Revision history 

View (previous 500) (next 500) (20 | 50 | 100 | 250 | 500). 

Legend: (cur) = difference with current version, (last) = difference with preceding version, M = minor edit 

#*(cur) (last) . . 23:47, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice ("a desire to get his edit through without having to merge it with Alice's" -> "laziness") 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:45, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (take your insults elsewhere; I will not respond in kind) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 23:37, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (sp) 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:36, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice ([[Wikipedia:Wikiquette|Wikiquette]], [[Wikipedia:WikiLove|WikiLove]] to see alsos) 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:32, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (the best of the world of sanity, coupled with the best of the world of anti-social paranoia :-)) 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:24, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:18, 6 Dec 2003 . . Hephaestos 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:14, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (expand Reverting) 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:12, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv to Hephaestos) 
* (cur) (last) . . 21:22, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
#* (cur) (last) . . 21:19, 6 Dec 2003 . . Hephaestos (obviously you don't know what common courtesy is)
#* (cur) (last) . . 21:13, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (obviously you don't know what an edit conflict is)
#* (cur) (last) . . M 21:10, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (Yes there was, see http://en.wikipedia.org/w/wiki.phtml?title=Wikipedia:Edit_conflicts&diff=1888207&oldid=1888130 which you also reverted, probably by accident)
#* (cur) (last) . . 21:06, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (there was no edit conflict)
#* (cur) (last) . . M 21:03, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (rv (Yes, but you also reverted my change, ignoring the edit conflict.))
#* (cur) (last) . . 21:01, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (I reverted Angela)
#* (cur) (last) . . M 21:00, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (rv, (Wik ignored edit conflict, deleted my change!!! See diff!))
#* (cur) (last) . . 20:57, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (this is not about edit warring)
#* (cur) (last) . . M 20:49, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp
#* (cur) (last) . . 20:49, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (then Alice should go and do those things rather than wasting time edit warring shouldn't she?)
#* (cur) (last) . . 20:34, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (Alice may have better things to do than to accommodate any moron who doesn't understand the edit conflict page)
#* (cur) (last) . . 20:28, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (No, if Bob repeats his error, it is really IS best for Alice to have a friendly word on his talk page etc etc)
#* (cur) (last) . . 20:16, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
#* (cur) (last) . . 20:12, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (move prevention section up, reinsert "If Bob repeats his error, then the best approach is for Alice to have a friendly word on his talk page, point him to this page, and ask him if he could take a ...)
#* (cur) (last) . . M 19:21, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik
*(cur) (last) . . 17:47, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv, prevention) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 17:46, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (separate ) 
*(cur) (last) . . 17:45, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv, prevention) 
*(cur) (last) . . 17:40, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . 17:39, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (Dealing with repeated mistakes.) 
*(cur) (last) . . 17:35, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv to Angela) 
*(cur) (last) . . 04:20, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:50, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (Wik, have you even looked what you are removing from this article? Are you saying we should NOT assume good faith?) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:41, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv (ditto)) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:36, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (rv 2- Wik - see the talk page for the justification for this version) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:25, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 03:24, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (rv - Martin - you are breaking the 3 revert policy that you wrote :)) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:19, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:16, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (RV) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:11, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:07, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:05, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:03, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (This is particularly important if the page has subsequently been edited by, say, Carol and David.) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 03:02, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice ([[diff]]) 
*(cur) (last) . . 03:00, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv, but s/appropriate/acceptable) 
*(cur) (last) . . 02:42, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv) 
*(cur) (last) . . 02:40, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv ) 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:30, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik (restore balance) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 15:49, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (sp) 
*(cur) (last) . . 15:49, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (Expand - Assume good faith, We encourage contributors to double-check their merges, etc) 
*(cur) (last) . . 13:01, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv to Hephaestos) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:51, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik (it's absurd to make the language in the second case stronger than in the first) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:48, 4 Dec 2003 . . Hephaestos (Martin's is much better) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:43, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik ("conspiracy theories"?) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:30, 4 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (Attempting a compromise (which probably won't be accepted by either side...)) 
*(cur) (last) . . 00:51, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik (you are not the community) 
*(cur) (last) . . 00:44, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (the community is more vexed about the one than the other - hence, not equal) 
*(cur) (last) . . 21:29, 3 Dec 2003 . . Wik (+It is absolutely not acceptable for Bob to overwrite Alice out of a desire to get his edit through without having to merge it with Alice's.) 
*(cur) (last) . . 21:19, 3 Dec 2003 . . Angela (+ It is absolutely not acceptable for Alice to reverse Bob's major improvements to the page out of a desire to protect her minor improvements, or to punish Bob for his carelessness.) 
*(cur) (last) . . 20:39, 3 Dec 2003 . . Wik (more equalizing) 
*(cur) (last) . . 22:41, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (So let us make both statements strong) 
*(cur) (last) . . 22:32, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (one should be as strong as the other) 
*(cur) (last) . . 22:31, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rm redundant text) 
*(cur) (last) . . 22:31, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (Bob should not (some would say, ''must not'') just post his changes over the top) 
*(cur) (last) . . 21:53, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (you have no authority to write official policy) 
*(cur) (last) . . 21:32, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv - it not a policy written by an official, but it is official policy :)) 
*(cur) (last) . . 20:35, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik 
*(cur) (last) . . 19:29, 2 Dec 2003 . . Patrick (restore paragraph) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 19:20, 2 Dec 2003 . . Patrick 
*(cur) (last) . . M 02:33, 2 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (+"copy" in "or just over") 
*(cur) (last) . . 02:15, 2 Dec 2003 . . Angela (revert - see talk page) 
*(cur) (last) . . 02:00, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (Martin has no authority to define official policies) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:53, 2 Dec 2003 . . Angela (He did. See http://mail.wikipedia.org/pipermail/wikien-l/2003-December/008756.html) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:42, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (no, Martin should have brought it up before changing the page) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:39, 2 Dec 2003 . . Angela (well try bringing that up on the talk page then) 
*(cur) (last) . . 01:17, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (I disagree with those changes) 
*(cur) (last) . . 23:23, 1 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rewrite, new sections on Logical edit conflicts and Mistakes, new policy on edit wars resulting from edit conflicts) 
*(cur) (last) . . 14:56, 31 Jul 2003 . . Patrick 
*(cur) (last) . . 10:37, 31 Jul 2003 . . Patrick 
*(cur) (last) . . 10:34, 31 Jul 2003 . . Patrick 
*(cur) (last) . . 11:16, 30 Jan 2003 . . MyRedDice (moved from handling edit conflicts) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 09:00, 12 Apr 2002 . . Ed Poor (formatting ) 
*(cur) (last) . . M 08:58, 12 Apr 2002 . . Ed Poor (Easiest way to deal with edit conflics (without losing your changes)) 
View (previous 500) (next 500) (20 | 50 | 100 | 250 | 500).