Difference between revisions 30960724 and 62863490 on enwiki

{| style="float: right; width: 300px; margin-left:0.5em" border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" 
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|colspan="2" align="center" |'''Hao Hai Ren''' – [[Chinese|Chinese man]][[Image:Hao_Hais_boxers.jpg|thumb|120px|center|Sneaking a peek]]
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!colspan="2" bgcolor="#ffbfff"|General
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|Age||21
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|Date of Birth||27 April 1984
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|Place of Birth||[[Hanzhong|Hanzhong City]], [[Shaanxi|Shaanxi Province]], [[China]]
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|Current Residence||[[Wellington|Wellington City]], [[New Zealand]]
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!colspan="2" bgcolor="#ffbfff"|Biological
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|Species||[[Human|Homo Sapiens]]
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|Height||5 ft 11 in (1.78 [[metre|m]])
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|Weight||176 lb (82 [[kilogram|kg]]) and fluctuating
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|Abilities||[[Image:Hammer_and_sickle.png|30px|right]]Drinking, coding, amateur sportsmanship, playful banter, [[communist]] adherence
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|Signature attacks||Scorn, excessive fist-borne force
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|Skin colour||Orange hue
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|Gender distribution||72% male, 28% female
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!colspan="2" bgcolor="#ffbfff"|Favourites
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|Actor||[[Russell Crowe]]
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|Lameass weblog ||[http://klatchy.blogspot.com Ians stuff @ Blogspot]
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|Nation State||[http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/27995/page=display_nation/nation=hao_hai People's Republic of Hao Hai] (PRHH)
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|Emoticon||^O^ (yawning)
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|Movie||[[You Got Served]] - <sub>[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365957/ IMDB]</sub>
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|[[Java_programming_language|Java]] Collection||[http://java.sun.com/j2se/1.4.2/docs/api/java/util/LinkedHashMap.html LinkedHashMap]
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|Seige weapon||[[Trebuchet]]
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|Mathematical symbol||[[Universal_quantification|&forall;∀]]
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|Periodic Element||
{|style="width: 45px"
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|style="text-align:center;background-color:#ffbfff;color:black;border:1px solid black;"|67<br />[[Holmium|Ho]]
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|Quip||"You got served!"
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Hao Hai "Ian Yuan" Ren (1984 - present) is a medium-height, portly male of [[Chinese]] descent currently residing in [[Wellington]], New Zealand. A joker at heart and easy-going as they come, he has come to be loved for his drunken antics, ridiculous opinions, bizarre hairstyles and crazy smile.

Hao Hai is often mistaken for [[Maori]] violinist [http://homepages.paradise.net.nz/elenaviolinist/ Elena] - be assured that despite the uncanny resemblance, they are distinct individuals. There are numerous differences between the two, most notably that Hao Hai is [[Male]], Elena is [[Female]].

Some expect that he may be the future [[New Zealand]] ambassador to [[China]]; most do not.

==Humble Beginnings==
Hao Hai was born in Hanzhong city, in the Shaanxi province of China. He happily resided there for 6 months, before Hao Hai and family moved to the big smoke of Xi'an (the capital of Shaanxi).

In 1992, the family moved to [[Lower Hutt]], New Zealand, where Hao Hai learnt the [[New Zealand English]] language, a language he speaks fluently today. He enrolled at Eastern Hutt School, where he quickly made many friends. He stayed there until the end of the 1994 school year, when he moved on to Hutt Intermediate, where he stayed until his humiliating departure in 1996. Then came time for Hao Hai's tenure at the notorious Hutt Valley High School. Hao Hai did so well at HVHS that he left early, and began his studies at [[Victoria University of Wellington]] when he was still just 16 years old. Hao Hai's remarkable tale does not end here. He completed two degrees at VUW in just 3 years, and was snapped up by the prestigious [[Synergy International]] graduate programme in 2004, where he still works today.

==What's in a name?==
One of Hao Hai's quirks is his ridiculous multitude of names. This is partly due to a complex feud between families on his mother and father's side; rumoured to have lead to many deaths, culminating in his current legal name of Ian Yuan Ren.

*'''1984''' - Mother's side: ''Hao Hai Ren'', Father's side: ''Zi Hua Gao'' - Born with dual names due to bitter feuding.
*'''1989''' - ''Yuan Gao'' - Feud won by Gao (ostensibly because it sounds like [[Mao]]), and christian name change to Yuan due to presence of great uncle on mother's side with ''Hua'' in his name; unacceptable in Chinese culture.
*'''1992''' - ''Ian Gao'' - Emigrates from China to New Zealand, anglicises Chinese name.
*'''1998''' - ''Ian Yuan Gao'' - Yuan reclaimed when realises he can have a middle name in New Zealand.
*'''2002 - present''' - ''Ian Yuan Ren'' - Mother/father feud culminates in Father being disowned, and name secretly reverting to mother's side of family.

==A Loveable Rogue==
Hao Hai Ren has shown himself over many years to be a worthy individual, reliable friend, and great fun to be around. His warmth, humour and good natured personality has lead him to accumulate many friends who value his company. Although the love felt by his friends towards him is immeasureable, the following are some of his most-appreciated characteristics.


*'''Ability to laugh at himself''' - The existence of this page is testament to Hao Hai's amazing ability to find humour in himself, and in others making fun at it. His self-deprecating ways endear him to everyone he aquaints. Too many people in present western society are insecure about themselves and their body - Hao Hai is happy within himself [http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:IQzFNo8C6JAJ:www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi%3Fu%3Dfive_shitty_movies+%22which+is+enviable%22&hl=en which is enviable].
*'''Fierce loyalty''' - Hao Hai is doggedly loyal to his family, country and principles, and while acknowledging their weaknesses, he will never concede defeat in an argument on their behalf. It creates character, debate and passion lacking from many individuals.
*'''Ostensible retardation''' - Hao Hai sticks to his dubious retarded ways (see [[#Personality Flaws and Current Issues | Personality Flaws and Current Issues]]), despite people hassling him about it. Such persistence is admirable, as well as creating continued possibilities for poking fun at him.
*'''Determination''' - Hao Hai has ambition, and does what he says he's going to do. Recent examples of this include:
**losing five kilograms in a concerted effort at the gym
**swimming an absurd distance out in stormy seas to a buoy when two compatriots seemingly found it much more difficult than him
**many weeks spent learning [[Salsa (dance)|salsa]] despite the obvious juxtaposition of Chinese man with latin dance
**drinking a full 21 shots on his 21st (and promptly purging his stomach), despite being informed many times that other alcoholic drinks count as ''shots'' too, even if not taken from a [[shot glass]]
*'''Looks''' - What an attractive man! Hao Hai's rugged good looks cause ladies (and [[Gay]] men) to swoon wherever he goes.
*'''Generosity''' - One of Hao Hai's many admirable traits is his unbridled generosity to those he appreciates and enjoys the company of. Frequently Hao Hai will buy drinks, dinner, tickets or other items to thank those he enjoys the company of. Although he sometimes shows naivété towards the financial issues of others and can sometimes assume reciprocal generosity, he is never frugal with his own finances.

==Personality Flaws and Current Issues==
Like many individuals of a non-Western descent, Hao Hai has his share of difficulties in fitting into certain aspects of Western culture and customs. Unfortunately for those around him, Hao hai's intellectual talents have not been directed at resolving some of the more ''stubborn'' flaws in his own personality, which those around him often find offensive, embarrasing and in some situations, detestable.

===Customs===
[[Image:Happyian.jpg|frame|100px|right|Happiest man alive]]
*'''Personal space''' - One of Hao Hai's favourite things to do is to go on walks with his friends. Many of his walking partners have expressed distate at his tendency to walk closely alongside them, so close in fact that it is not uncommon for Hao Hai's forearm to brush against that of his chum. 
When confronted about this character flaw, Hao Hai launches into a tirade about how on the bustling footpaths of Xi'an it is critical to maintain physical contact at all times when walking because of the sheer volume of people - if two friends become separated on a busy footpath, it is taken as a personal insult, and the next time the pair meet they must fight to the death.
*'''Buying rounds''' - Hao Hai loves getting drunk with his friends. It is common in New Zealand for straight males to buy "rounds" of drinks in order to save transaction fees, and Hao Hai and his friends are no exception to this rule. However, unlike most straight males, Hao Hai loves cocktails, while his friends enjoy beer. This creates a great injustice when Hao Hai is in on rounds - cocktails usually cost at least twice as much as a single beer, so Hao Hai's drinking partners end up being penalised for Hao Hai's expensive habit. 
When confronted about this character flaw, Hao Hai explains that if his friends were to drink cocktails, this would not be an issue.
*'''Friendly violence''' - Like most people of Chinese descent, Hao Hai is an only child. While this is a desirable situation in terms of inheritance, it means that Hao Hai has not had a peer at home with which to experiment with violence, and be punished accordingly. This is disastrous when the need arises for Hao Hai to deliver a friendly punch - because Hao Hai has had no siblings to attack / be attacked by, he does not know the appropriate level of force to use when delivering a friendly punch. When combined with alcohol, this is socially catastrophic.
When confronted about this character flaw, Hao Hai points out that if he was to hit softly, his friends may suspect he is [[homosexual]].

===Relationships===
[[Image:Haka eye for the hao hai.jpg|thumb|125px|right|Hao Hai at the rugby]]
*'''Social tact''' - Hao Hai has made a name for himself at making inappropriate references to personal secrets divulged (under confidence) by good friends of his. These references are most often made in the presence of other individuals (astoundingly, given Hao Hai's capacity for [[#Customs|personal space issues]]) who are not close friends, or who are not aware of the good friend's secret. These references generally lead to further questions, general discomfort and a feeling of unease amongst all.
When confronted with this flaw, Hao Hai babbles incoherently about no-one knowing what he is referring to - which although true, is precisely the point being illustrated, and why it is socially tactless.
*'''Thinking before orating''' - Hao Hai has a great capacity to make wildly insulting statements without actually realising the gravity of what he is saying. Some have compared his infinite capacity for oral ''faux pas'' to [[George W. Bush]], but this is unfair, as George is not human, so cannot be blamed.

When confronted after an incidence, Hao Hai tries to worm his way out with a poorly constructed argument, rather than merely apologising and laughing. For shame, Hao Hai, for shame. See [[#Memorable Quotes]] for examples.

==Memorable Quotes==
Hao Hai is outspoken in his opinions and makes sure his view is heard by all. If he's been drinking, usually this view is heard by most of Western civilization as well; such is the capacity of his ethanol-laden voice box. A collection of advice and quips are currently being obtained by those around him:

*On the New Zealand press-initiated [[Nitrous Oxide|nos]] hysteria of April 2005:
''"I really just want this generation of teenager's parents to just kill themselves and die"''

*On the complex relationship between men and women:
''"It's not nice to be mean to girls"''

*On [[Mason Williams]]' "[[Classical Gas]]":
''"gives me mental images of [[Beethoven]] eating too much [[cabbage]] stew and [[farting]]"''

*On male sexual needs:
''"Nick's got a girlfriend; why doesn't he just tell her 'lie down, I want to have sex with you'?"''

*On womens:
''"Womens are easier than recycling"''

*Also on womens:
''"Realistically, what happens when there's 8 guys and a girl in a room? Either a quiet dinner and smalltalk... or [[bukkake]]"''

*On the size of his tongue:
''"I reckon my tongue could be a blanket for a small kid"''

*On [[Winston Peters]]:
''"I'd love to get him and take him to a gay asian whorehouse and introduce him to all the [[Gay slang#M|mangina]]s. He'd be a changed man after that."''

*On slappers:
''"Slapper behaviour is not all bad. I would like all women to be more slappery.. (or at least) a general increase in slappery behaviour, so the really shy ones become normal - so you have a general increase in the number of slappers which would help with the 'having a slapper around when you need one' dilemma."''

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<div class="boilerplate metadata" id="stub"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-color: transparent;"><tr ><td >[[Image:Zhong.png|25px| ]]</td ><td >''&nbsp;This [[Mainland China]] related article is a [[Wikipedia:Perfect stub article|stub]].  You can [[Wikipedia:Find or fix a stub|help]] Wikipedia by [{{SERVER}}{{localurl:{{NAMESPACE}}:{{PAGENAME}}|action=edit}} expanding it]''.</td ></tr ></table ></div >[[Category:Mainland China geography stubs|Mainland china rules all]]