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'''"Nice Guy Syndrome"''' is often used to describe a supposed phenomenon whereby women are not [[sexual attraction | attracted]] to nice, well-behaved men, but instead to [[abuse | abusive]] men normally cast as "jerks" or "assholes". It is a commonly starring cliché in various [[sitcom]]s. Often, the moral of their stories is that in the end the nice guys win out.

The Nice Guy Syndrome is an issue commonly brought up on the [[Internet]] as a form of [[Internet troll | trolling]] (especially by members of the "fast seduction" newsgroups and other similar organizations), but is also often subjected to serious discussion. While some dispute the classification of the phenomenon as a "syndrome", proponents claim that the female [[attraction pathology | attraction pathologies]] documented by the claims have been experientially verified.

It is related to the concept of the [[friend zone]]. "Nice Guys" are said to quickly enter a female's friend zone. Both concepts are said to be female attraction pathologies, that is subconscious traits of the female mind which actually hurt them long term.

==Stereotypical "nice guy"==

The "nice guy" label typically connotes a pleasant male, lacking [[romantic love | romantic]] success, and usually romantic confidence as well. When men describe themselves as "nice guys", they usually believe themselves to be intelligent and polite, with average-to-above-average looks, average social skills, and average to above-average financial means. Furthermore, such men are often frustrated, if not indignant, about their lacking romantic success and perceive the men more successful than themselves to be [[player (dating) | players]], abusers, or lacking in depth—the "jerks" who supposedly "get all the girls".

While this phenomenon certainly does not always hold, there is some anecdotal support for it. Some women are attracted to men, primarily, based upon social dominance, and "[[alpha male]]s"--even if they are not especially handsome, polite, or intelligent—- attain [[sex | sexual]] and romantic respect from these women more easily than significantly more eligible [[beta male]]s. 

However, to say that simply being nice means that a man will never get respect is inaccurate: Alpha males who elect to behave nicely toward women will still be able to attract them. 

Normally, complaints about the "Nice Guy Syndrome" are issued most loudly by [[college]] men.

===Nice Girl Syndrome===

Most women allege that the self-described nice guys, in fact, exhibit their own attraction pathologies. Since the attraction pathologies responsible for the poor luck of "nice guys" are certainly not present in all women, many have alleged that the "nice guy" phenomenon also results, in part, from a male attraction pathology: "Nice guys" pursue women who outpace them in romantic experience and confidence and would have no interest in them, while ignoring equally eligible women who might. These women have been argued to suffer from a reciprocal "nice girl" phenomenon.

Indeed, there are few reasons why the "nice guy" phenomenon must be restricted to men. The essential tenets of the "nice guy" ideology are:

*Women are attracted to men mainly based upon social dominance and pursue the "alpha male" most eagerly.
*Whether or not a man is an "alpha male" or not relies predominantly upon his social dominance (or lack thereof) as a child, which draws mainly from the strength of the child's political instinct; it has little to do with adult personality or even physical appearance. Therefore, "beta males" equal or exceed the socially-dominant "alpha males" in quality regarding dating and relationships. They unequivocally surpass "alphas" in terms of trustworthiness, empathy, and artistic capacity.
*Despite this, women still favor socially dominant "alpha" males, who tend to be the same men as were socially dominant as children. Therefore, other men suffer relative inexperience and a romantic confidence gap emerges. This is in a way a feedback loop, where those with less experience become even less confident. 

Examining the social and psychological aspects of this phenomenon, there is no reason why it must be restricted to men. Indeed, many have argued that it applies equally to females, and have asserted the existence of a "nice girl syndrome".

One asymmetry, however, exists in the fact that, traditionally, men are required to initiate romantic interactions with women. This places a premium on the man's social confidence, a trait which many "nice guys" lack.

==Theory of the nice guy class==

Because they are usually "beta" males according to the [[pecking order]] established by boys during [[childhood]] and [[adolescence]], "nice guys" are usually non-confrontational, polite, and amenable. During childhood and adolescence, they usually have more women than men as friends. Because these men are generally polite, interesting, and articulate, women generally approach these men for friendships; because they are ''not'' socially dominant, women are not romantically or sexually attracted to them. Invariantly, they "just want to be friends".

As these men sexually mature, they begin to seek romantic relationships, and given the ease with which they have developed opposite-sex friendships, they expect to be a "shoe-in" for such opportunities. Actual results are disastrous: The female friends not only reject these men, but instead pursue specifically the "alpha-males" that bullied or excluded them during childhood and early adolescence. 

As a result, these men frequently withdraw from their female friendships, and may even become [[misogyny | misogynists]]. Commentators have often remarked that, ironically, by the time men begin to complain about a "nice guy" syndrome, their behavior no longer matches patterns stereotypically considered "nice".

==Nice guy phenomenon in college==

Most often, men become aware of this phenomenon in their first year of college. There are many possible reasons for this:

* The transition into college life is often traumatic, and students become "hyper-aware" of social interactions, and all their pathologies, during the first year of college.
* College women exhibit significantly more attraction-pathological behavior than women of other age groups. ''(This claim is heavily disputed; however, it is established that the conformity of a college environment does create an attraction-pathological environment.)''
* An explanation related to the former is that men enter college with an expectation that, there, they will find women more intelligent and similar to them than in high school (thus, they assume, devoid of attraction pathologies) and that they will be able to reinvent themselves in relation to the opposite gender. When these expectations are frustrated, men become resentful.
*"Nice guy syndrome" is inherintly a syndrome in [[dating]] and [[casual sex]] encounters, and these primarily occour in the college years. During later years where theoretically most people are married and have a steady sexual partner, the phenonenon of "alpha male" and "nice guys" has little impact.

==Organizations to end Nice Guy Syndrome==

That Nice Guy syndrome is the root of dating failure is the premise for almost all "seduction tips" articles, seminars, and websites. As such much of what has been written and the research into this area has been influenced by the large amount of literature produced by this genre of class or seminar. A typical lesson from one of these organizations involves rules of what to say and what not to say, how to act and how not to act, in order to act the role of the alpha male. In essence, almost all of these classes instruct one to either temporarily or permanently transform ones personality away from being a "nice guy". Some "nice guys" find this morally unacceptable. 
 
==See also==

* [[love-shyness]]
* http://www.sosuave.com/niceguys/a [[pop psychology]] term used to describe a supposed phenomenon whereby men who suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome will probably have lots of women friends, but rarely have a sexual relationship with any of them, or even a mutual romantic relationship. He may be a very good listener, and perhaps articulate and expressive in how he talks. He generally does not generate much sexual or romantic desire in women.

It is related to the concept of the [[friend zone]]. "Nice Guys" are said to quickly enter a female's friend zone. 

==Stereotypical "nice guy"==

The "nice guy" label typically connotes a pleasant male, lacking [[romantic love | romantic]] success, and usually romantic confidence as well. Such men are often frustrated, if not indignant, about their lacking romantic success.  While this phenomenon certainly does not always hold, there is some anecdotal support for it. 

==Theory of the Nice Guy Syndrome==

As a [[pop psychology]] term, Nice Guy Syndrome lacks [[psychology |psychologically]] rigourous theories describing cause, effect and typical behavior.  The concept of [[love-shyness]] has been explored in greater depth, but is only tangentially related to Nice Guy Syndrome.
 
==See also==

* http://meetyourgreens.com/niceguysyndrome.html Essay describing Nice Guy Syndrome
* http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml Critiques of Nice Guy Syndrome
* http://isis.fastmail.usf.edu/counsel/self-hlp/niceguy.htm Essay giving the perspective of a Nice Guy
* http://www.sosuave.com/niceguys/  Web forum for Nice Guys