Revision 5099097 of "User:Bccomm" on enwiki

==Basics==
#I am a fifteen-year-old.
#I am a Mormon (in faith; see below)
#I am a left-winger (not necessarily in conflict with #2)
#I am a South Dakontan.


==Religion==
My religious journey has been a bit twisted, but I've found the truth...

===Being an Apostate===
I had always been against the [[Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints]]. Its theology troubled me. I had no problem learning about it (something I owe thanks to Wikipedia for ;)), but the beliefs, to me, seemed strange. But I kept looking. I finally decided that I would need to settle on a church. Merely being a "Christian" wasn't enough for me. I was never satisfied. It was only a few weeks ago that I decided to become a part of my former spiritual foe.

===The Book===
Two years ago, I was being confirmed into my old Church. We were, to understand the concept of religion on a broad scale, supposed to study several different faiths. Just for kicks, I called up the friendly neighborhood sister missionaries and asked for a copy of the [[Book of Mormon]]. After reading the introduction, I tossed it on my bookshelf---where it sat doing nothing but collecting dust for all this time.

===Yet Another Book===
On the very last day of my freshman year of high school (May 2004), I found myself in the gym. I had just finished talking to my friend who, the day before, tried to set me up with a girl I liked. We were the best of friends. But she said no. For some reason, I sensed that she had a higher standard when it comes to dating. There was something she wasn't telling me. But no matter, we were still friends---having that friendship dissolved was my biggest fear when I asked her. So, anyway, back to the last day of school...this girl had left the gym to talk with some friends. She left a book on her chair. Being the nosy person I am, I looked at it. The book was titled ''Tower of Thunder'' by Chris Heimerdinger. ''Heimerdinger.'' One doesn't forget a name like that. I looked on the back of the book. It said something about the Book of Mormon. You could imagine the look on my face. I put the book down and walked off to a corner so that I could attempt regulate my breathing in privacy.

===My Friend's a Mormon. Now What?===
I had a half hour to compose myself. Then, on to the underclassmen award ceremony. I kept thinking ''How? Why?''. We sat next to each other during the awards, then at the same table during a hot dog feed that was held thereafter. We didn't talk a ''whole'' lot, mainly because I was still stunned and she didn't seem to have a lot to say. Just a simple good-bye. If only it were so.

I went home that day very depressed---crying, even. Not only was she LDS, but she was leaving for Utah (which should have been another hint) for seven weeks. Thus, we wouldn't have a chance to talk. As it turns out, I was better off alone.

Note: I should probably mention that I am all for religious tolerance and always have been. The theology, quite simply, of the Church, troubled me.

===Investigating===
I decided to brush up on my Mormonese. This would allow one of two things to happen:
#I would be able to witness to her the terrible lie she had been born into.
#I would find answers. Answers I didn't know existed.

If number two were to happen, I knew that it would be against my parents' will. My mom caught me one day reading the Book of Mormon. I said something to the effect of ''It all makes so much sense'' out loud. To which she casually joked ''You thinking about joining the Mormons?'' I said ''I was actually thinking about it.'' I didn't know at the time, but she had been raised in a Presbyterian church, which professes that Mormonism is occult. But, she was open minded. She simply said she'd rather I not do it until after high school. So, I went to the fast and testimony meeting for June. My friend had already left, but I met her sister there---along with some other friends that, frankly, I didn't expect to be church-goers at ''all,'' let alone Mormons. I was comforted by that simple fact.

===Going There...===
I suddenly realized, close to the end of that week, what a huge life decision this was going to be. And I was making it at the age of fifteen. So, I took a step back. I looked at all the anti-Mormon literature I could find. I was drawn back into the abyss of apostasy. The Adversary had its clutches on me.

I once more began to consider my friendship with this girl. ''What if she asked me to a church function, like she had with some of her other non-LDS friends? What if she brought up the topic of religion at all, and asked for input?'' I didn't want to lie to her. But I didn't want to kill one of the best friendships of my life. I did the only thing that was left to do. I prayed for her.

====One for the money====
My first prayer was triggered by an anti-Mormon paper I read. Or so it seemed. It came out of BYU, was written by a Saint, but was still against the church. It reminded me of my friend. I started to cry. I took my copy of the Book of Mormon and threw it on the ground in disgust, then went outside. It was about 1:30 in the morning. I knelt down and, out of pure anger at the church, prayed for her. I was close to suicide the rest of that day.

Ed. Note: It's funny to look back at this. Psycho-Theology is one of the most interesting aspects of religion, and this illustrates just how much religion can affect a person.

====Two for the show====
The next day, I went outside to pray for her again. I knelt down and prayed more out of pity this time. I felt sorry for her. Sorry that she had been born, defenseless, into a huge lie. Sorry that she hadn't seen the truth. Sorry that her family had been fooled for generations. I started to cry...I mean ''really'' cry. Like I had never cried before. That day, again, I was close to suicide. Closer than before. I was really going to do it.

====Third Time's a Charm ''or'' Good Things Come In Threes====
The third day, I was a lot more sorrowful. Even more than before. I don't think I even bothered to sleep the night before. I was wired. I went outside to pray for her again. I knelt down and clasped my hands. Before I even got the words out of my mouth, I fell face-first onto the ground. I started trembling and crying...and I didn't even know why. It just started happening. I couldn't move, save it were my limbs violently shaking. I was numb everywhere. After about ten minutes of this I was about to call for help (not that anyone could have '''heard''' me). Then I heard a voice. If I remember correctly, it said "Why did you ever doubt?" That voice echoed in my mind.

It took me a few minutes to figure it out, but once I realized that the Holy Ghost had taken me over, I was amazed. ''Why would God care about me, probably one of the most heinous of sinners?'' My limbs were restored to motion. I knelt back up and repented. And repented. And repented. I had been lustful, I had rejected the true Church, I had suicidal thoughts, and I was being selfish and prideful, among other things. Somehow, I know, now, that I was forgiven. After repenting, I asked if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was the restored gospel on earth...if the Book of Mormon was the word of holy men...if Joseph Smith truly had a vision...if the true church was led by a prophet. I was surprised at the fact that not only were my sins forgiven, but my Hevenly Father was generous enough to let me know the truth. I had no doubts about his answer. The darkenss that had overcome me before fled like the demon it truly was. I was filled instead with an overwhelming joy. So great was it in fact that I nearly began to laugh out loud. His answer was unmistakable.

===...And Back Again===
So there ends my story...for now. I'll '''have''' to tell my friend what happened to me over the Summer. Obviously, this was the highlight. I had found the truth! God's mercy, even for apostates, is incomprehensible to me. Even though I can't yet go to sacrament meetings (don't yet drive), I probably can't be baptized until after high school, and I don't have any LDS friends to talk to in person at the moment, I know my Father in Heaven loves me. I try as best I can each day to exercise my faith and devote myself to Him.