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==Cogito Ergo Sum==
#I am a fifteen-year-old.
#I am a Mormon (in faith; see below)
#I am a left-winger (not necessarily in conflict with #2)
#I am a South Dakontan.
#I am a user the [[NetBSD]] operating system.


==Religion==
My religious journey has been a bit twisted, but I've found the truth...

===Being an Apostate===
I had always been against the [[Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints]]. Its theology troubled me. I had no problem learning about it (something I owe thanks to Wikipedia for ;)), but the beliefs, to me, seemed strange. But I kept looking. I finally decided that I would need to settle on a church. Merely being a "Christian" wasn't enough for me. I was never satisfied. It was only a few weeks ago that I decided to become a part of my former spiritual foe.

===The Book===
Two years ago, I was being confirmed into my old Church. We were, to understand the concept of religion on a broad scale, supposed to study several different faiths. Just for kicks, I called up the friendly neighborhood sister missionaries and asked for a copy of the [[Book of Mormon]]. After reading the introduction, I tossed it on my bookshelf---where it sat doing nothing but collecting dust for all this time.

===Yet Another Book===
On the very last day of my freshman year of high school (May 2004), I found myself in the gym. I had just finished talking to my friend who, the day before, tried to set me up with a girl I liked. We were the best of friends. But she said no. For some reason, I sensed that she had a higher standard when it comes to dating. There was something she wasn't telling me. But no matter, we were still friends---having that friendship dissolved was my biggest fear when I asked her. So, anyway, back to the last day of school...this girl had left the gym to talk with some friends. She left a book on her chair. Being the nosy person I am, I looked at it. The book was titled ''Tower of Thunder'' by Chris Heimerdinger. ''Heimerdinger.'' One doesn't forget a name like that. I looked on the back of the book. It said something about the Book of Mormon. You could imagine the look on my face. I put the book down and walked off to a corner so that I could attempt regulate my breathing in privacy.

===My Friend's a Mormon. Now What?===
I had a half hour to compose myself. Then, on to the underclassmen award ceremony. I kept thinking ''How? Why?''. We sat next to each other during the awards, then at the same table during a hot dog feed that was held thereafter. We didn't talk a ''whole'' lot, mainly because I was still stunned and she didn't seem to have a lot to say. Just a simple good-bye. If only it were so.

I went home that day very depressed---crying, even. Not only was she LDS, but she was leaving for Utah (which should have been another hint) for seven weeks. Thus, we wouldn't have a chance to talk. As it turns out, I was better off alone.

Note: I should probably mention that I am all for religious tolerance and always have been. The theology, quite simply, of the Church, troubled me.

===Investigating===
I decided to brush up on my Mormonese. This would allow one of two things to happen:
#I would be able to witness to her the terrible lie she had been born into.
#I would find answers. Answers I didn't know existed.

If number two were to happen, I knew that it would be against my parents' will. My mom caught me one day reading the Book of Mormon. I said something to the effect of ''It all makes so much sense'' out loud. To which she casually joked ''You thinking about joining the Mormons?'' I said ''I was actually thinking about it.'' I didn't know at the time, but she had been raised in a Presbyterian church, which professes that Mormonism is occult. But, she was open minded. She simply said she'd rather I not do it until after high school. So, I went to the fast and testimony meeting for June. My friend had already left, but I met her sister there---along with some other friends that, frankly, I didn't expect to be church-goers at ''all,'' let alone Mormons. I was comforted by that simple fact.

===Going There...===
I suddenly realized, close to the end of that week, what a huge life decision this was going to be. And I was making it at the age of fifteen. So, I took a step back. I looked at all the anti-Mormon literature I could find. I was drawn back into the abyss of apostasy. The Adversary had its clutches on me.

I once more began to consider my friendship with this girl. ''What if she asked me to a church function, like she had with some of her other non-LDS friends? What if she brought up the topic of religion at all, and asked for input?'' I didn't want to lie to her. But I didn't want to kill one of the best friendships of my life. I did the only thing that was left to do. I prayed for her.

====One for the money====
My first prayer was triggered by an anti-Mormon paper I read. Or so it seemed. It came out of BYU, was written by a Saint, but was still against the church. It reminded me of my friend. I started to cry. I took my copy of the Book of Mormon and threw it on the ground in disgust, then went outside. It was about 1:30 in the morning. I knelt down and, out of pure anger at the church, prayed for her. I was close to suicide the rest of that day.

Ed. Note: It's funny to look back at this. Psycho-Theology is one of the most interesting aspects of religion, and this illustrates just how much religion can affect a person.

====Two for the show====
The next day, I went outside to pray for her again. I knelt down and prayed more out of pity this time. I felt sorry for her. Sorry that she had been born, defenseless, into a huge lie. Sorry that she hadn't seen the truth. Sorry that her family had been fooled for generations. I started to cry...I mean ''really'' cry. Like I had never cried before. That day, again, I was close to suicide. Closer than before. I was really going to do it.

====Third Time's a Charm ''or'' Good Things Come In Threes====
The third day, I was a lot more sorrowful. Even more than before. I don't think I even bothered to sleep the night before. I was wired. I went outside to pray for her again. I knelt down and clasped my hands. Before I even got the words out of my mouth, I fell face-first onto the ground. I started trembling and crying...and I didn't even know why. It just started happening. I couldn't move, save it were my limbs violently shaking. I was numb everywhere. After about ten minutes of this I was about to call for help (not that anyone could have '''heard''' me). Then I heard a voice. If I remember correctly, it said "Why did you ever doubt?" That voice echoed in my mind.

It took me a few minutes to figure it out, but once I realized that the Holy Ghost had taken me over, I was amazed. ''Why would God care about me, probably one of the most heinous of sinners?'' My limbs were restored to motion. I knelt back up and repented. And repented. And repented. I had been lustful, I had rejected the true Church, I had suicidal thoughts, and I was being selfish and prideful, among other things. Somehow, I know, now, that I was forgiven. After repenting, I asked if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was the restored gospel on earth...if the Book of Mormon was the word of holy men...if Joseph Smith truly had a vision...if the true church was led by a prophet. I was surprised at the fact that not only were my sins forgiven, but my Hevenly Father was generous enough to let me know the truth. I had no doubts about his answer. The darkenss that had overcome me before fled like the demon it truly was. I was filled instead with an overwhelming joy. So great was it in fact that I nearly began to laugh out loud. His answer was unmistakable.

===...And Back Again (Conclusion)===
So there ends my story...for now. I'll '''have''' to tell my friend what happened to me over the Summer. She had changed my life without even knowing it. Obviously, this was the highlight of my Summer vacation. I had found the truth! God's mercy, even for apostates, is incomprehensible to me. Even though I can't yet go to sacrament meetings (don't yet drive), I probably can't be baptized until after high school, and I don't have any LDS friends to talk to in person at the moment, I know my Father in Heaven loves me. I try as best I can each day to exercise my faith and devote myself to Him. This has shown me one thing...there's always hope---for anyone.