Difference between revisions 11839198 and 11847761 on enwiki

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The page title is a reference to '''[[In Soviet Russia]]'''.

==From [[Laser Soup]]==
Have you ever wanted to eat lasers but found their natural texture too unwieldy for any practical culinary procedure? If so then you are either a mad scientist, Emeril Lagasse, both, neither, or an offspring of the two. Or perhaps.. a demon?
(contracted; show full)

==From [[Pope John Paul II]]==
"John Paul II, like most Poles was an excellent bowler. It is believed he is the only pontiff to ever have a 300 game."

==From [[Jiggly puff]]==
===Jiggly Puff (Not to be confused with the inferior Pokemon “jigglypuff”): A Tale Seldom Told===


      Many parts of Northern Europe are notorious for their famines. <br> The most well known today is the severe potato scarcity experienced in Ireland in <br> the middle of the 19th century. In the 14th century on the outskirts of Iceland there was a severe <br> dearth of cotton candy. Kids across the countryside cried (in unison at 5:00 PM each night) for the sweet, <br>pink loafs of sugar large enough to engulf their faces and swallow their teeth. <br>⏎
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Accounts vary, but somewhere between 1370 and 1390 the children's cries were satisfied <br>when there erupted from a geyser (for which Iceland is known) an enormous, <br> bum-shatteringly big blue-eyed pink monster Hardly a monster, though. <br>It's sides were edible and renewable, but like all good things it had its flaws. <br>The wavy, curls of happiness it wore as fur would turn to barbed wire at night.<br> When the deprived, young Icelanders would escape their homes at night, <br>they were met by not by the cotton candy "Jiggly Puff" <br> (as she came to be known [from Icelandic ''Gig-lee'' meaning of God and ''pahf'', or enormous fart]<br> but by the modern equivalent of a walking high security prison guarded with Nazis,<br> bayonets, and some scientist/historians speculate as many as some 6 gazillion volts of electricity. <br>⏎
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The story goes that the bait-and-switching bazooka-sized banshee <br>was finally assassinated one day when a roaming group of preteens decided to devour her entirely. <br>They spent all day masticating her massive frame, but as the sun fell, her saccharide <br>spirals morphed into killer coils that zapped and zipped the kids to shreds. <br>So the townspeople basically killed it, with the first A-bomb ever.  <br>⏎
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Jiggly Puff may have died that day in actuality, <br>but her bittersweet tale lives on through in each boy and girl with a sweet tooth and sharp metal <br>jutting out of their guts.

===From [[Black Death]]===

However, in 1666, gigantic toads besieged London. "They were terribly However, in 1666, gigantic toads besieged London. "They were terribly fierce beasts, who eat our hapless soldiers with their gigantic tongues." In terror, the inhabitants fled to the town hall, and bombarded the invading hordes with cannons and mortars. Eventually, the mayor of London sallied out with a formidable force and routed the frog army. Despite heavy casualties, they were successful. But if plague, fire and frogs wasn't enough, ten years later London was struck by a succession of tornadoes, that sweeped down from the Shetland Islands. The event was blamed on the carnies, who were subsequently driven out of town. However, bands of militant snowmen allied with the exiled carnies and attacked the city in 1679. After several fierce running battles, the Londoners were driven out. But David Beckham became their saviour and just three years after the carnies' victory, he led a force of Ewoks riding spiders that invaded the city. The carnies were defeated and slaughtered to a man, though the snowmen escaped. They would continue to harass Beckham's empire late into the 19th century.

After this violent civil war, relative peace reigned in Britain. Or did it...