Difference between revisions 11837069 and 11839198 on enwiki

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The page title is a reference to '''[[In Soviet Russia]]'''.

==From [[Laser Soup]]==
Have you ever wanted to eat lasers but found their natural texture too unwieldy for any practical culinary procedure? If so then you are either a mad scientist, Emeril Lagasse, both, neither, or an offspring of the two. Or perhaps.. a demon?
(contracted; show full)

==From [[Pope John Paul II]]==
"John Paul II, like most Poles was an excellent bowler. It is believed he is the only pontiff to ever have a 300 game."
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==From [[Jiggly puff]]==
===Jiggly Puff (Not to be confused with the inferior Pokemon “jigglypuff”): A Tale Seldom Told===

   Many parts of Northern Europe are notorious for their famines. <br> The most well known today is the severe potato scarcity experienced in Ireland in <br> the middle of the 19th century. In the 14th century on the outskirts of Iceland there was a severe <br> dearth of cotton candy. Kids across the countryside cried (in unison at 5:00 PM each night) for the sweet, <br>pink loafs of sugar large enough to engulf their faces and swallow their teeth. <br>
   Accounts vary, but somewhere between 1370 and 1390 the children's cries were satisfied <br>when there erupted from a geyser (for which Iceland is known) an enormous, <br> bum-shatteringly big blue-eyed pink monster Hardly a monster, though. <br>It's sides were edible and renewable, but like all good things it had its flaws. <br>The wavy, curls of happiness it wore as fur would turn to barbed wire at night.<br> When the deprived, young Icelanders would escape their homes at night, <br>they were met by not by the cotton candy "Jiggly Puff" <br> (as she came to be known [from Icelandic ''Gig-lee'' meaning of God and ''pahf'', or enormous fart]<br> but by the modern equivalent of a walking high security prison guarded with Nazis,<br> bayonets, and some scientist/historians speculate as many as some 6 gazillion volts of electricity. <br>
   The story goes that the bait-and-switching bazooka-sized banshee <br>was finally assassinated one day when a roaming group of preteens decided to devour her entirely. <br>They spent all day masticating her massive frame, but as the sun fell, her saccharide <br>spirals morphed into killer coils that zapped and zipped the kids to shreds. <br>So the townspeople basically killed it, with the first A-bomb ever.  <br>
    Jiggly Puff may have died that day in actuality, <br>but her bittersweet tale lives on through in each boy and girl with a sweet tooth and sharp metal <br>jutting out of their guts.