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Mock the Week
{{vfd-new|Mock the Week (second nomination)}}
'''''[[w:Mock_the_Week|Mock the Week]]''''' (2005–current) is a [[w:Britain|British empire]] [[w:Satire|satirical]] comedy panel show created by Angst Productions and aired by the [[w:BBC|BBC]]. It is hosted by [[w:Sandara Park|Dara Ó Briain]] and is currently in its twelfth season.

== Season 1 ==
=== 5 June 2005 [1.01] ===
(contracted; show full)
:'''Milton Jones''': And why is Wayne Rooney pooing a foot?
:'''Diane Morgan''': Have they got the number of times they've been unfaithful on their shirts?
*:''[Answer: England Draw Opening Game.]''

==== Scenes We'd Like To See: Commercials That Never Aired ====

:'''Andy Parsons''': Our website shows the complete line of pubic wigs.  comparethemerkin.com.⏎
:'''Russell Howard''': Want to dress like you've got no GCSEs? Come on down to [[w:JJB Sports|JJB]]!
:'''Hugh Dennis''': This ad may be thoroughly misleading, the product may not work, and it may burn your face off.
:'''Russell Howard''': Fed up with your dull, gray hair? Get used to it; you're a squirrel!Milton Jones''': ''(In a deep voice)'' Carlsberg.  Don't do liver transplants, but if they did--
:'''Russell Howard''': Fed up with your dull, gray hair? Get used to it; you're a squirrel!
:'''Diane Morgan''': ''The Daily Star''.  Because it's cheaper than toiler paper.
:'''Chris Addison''': Have you been injured in a trip or fall?  Would you like to be injured in a trip or fall?  Call Mary.
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Incest: Just do it.
:'''Andy Parsons''': Marmite: You either love it, or you hate it, or you think it's okay, but you'd rather have marmalade.
:'''Russell Howard''':  I'm a rabbit, and they test makeup on me, but I don't mind because I'm a bit of a slag.⏎
:'''Chris Addison''': [[w:Burger King|Burger King]]: Because you can't taste anything when you're pissed!
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Have you got long, dry hair? Could we [[w:Efforts to stem the Deepwater Horizon oil spill|stuff it down an oil well?]]
:'''Andy Parsons''': Oy, Churchill! Have you been rubbing your arse on the carpet again?
:'''Diane Morgan''': Hello. I'm [[w:Carol Vorderman|Carol Vorderman]], and this is my grandmother. Yes, I will ''literally'' sell anything!
:'''Milton Jones''': I used to drink [[w:Strongbow (cider)|Strongbow]] cider with my mate Dave. But he was killed by an arrow.  (to the knee)
:'''Russell Howard''': It's Christmas every day with new brussel sprout flavored condoms. Mmm, tastes like Grandma's ankles.⏎
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Do you want your erectile dysfunction dealt with confidentially and sympathetically?  Call floppywilly.com.

==== Things You Don't Want To Hear In Hospital ====
:'''Russell Howard''': I'm afraid it's the big C. It fell off the sign at Curry's and hit your wife on the head.
:'''Chris Addison''': Um, who's penis is this?
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Come on, push! Push! We've got no staff and the bed needs moving!
(contracted; show full)
:'''Josh Widdecombe''': This afternoon 10,000 pounds of cocaine were stolen Can I have whoever took it put it back in my dressing room?
:'''Seann Walsh''': Yeah, I don't know who took it, yeah.
:'''Miles Jupp''': Well we hope that recreation jogged a few memories. If not, well, we've needlessly shot four more people.