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Mock the Week
{{vfd-new|Mock the Week (second nomination)}}
'''''[[w:Mock_the_Week|Mock the Week]]''''' (2005–current) is a [[w:Britain|British empire]] [[w:Satire|satirical]] comedy panel show created by Angst Productions and aired by the [[w:BBC|BBC]]. It is hosted by [[w:Sandara Park|Dara Ó Briain]] and is currently in its twelfth season.

== Season 1 ==
=== 5 June 2005 [1.01] ===
(contracted; show full)
:'''Russell Howard''': Fed up with your dull, gray hair? Get used to it; you're a squirrel!
:'''Diane Morgan''': ''The Daily Star''.  Because it's cheaper than toiler paper.
:'''Chris Addison''': Have you been injured in a trip or fall?  Would you like to be injured in a trip or fall?  Call 
MaBarry.
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Incest: Just do it.
:'''Andy Parsons''': Marmite: You either love it, or you hate it, or you think it's okay, but you'd rather have marmalade.
:'''Russell Howard''':  I'm a rabbit, and they test makeup on me, but I don't mind because I'm a bit of a slag.
:'''Chris Addison''': [[w:Burger King|Burger King]]: Because you can't taste anything when you're pissed!
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Have you got long, dry hair? Could we [[w:Efforts to stem the Deepwater Horizon oil spill|stuff it down an oil well?]]
:'''Andy Parsons''': Oy, Churchill! Have you been rubbing your arse on the carpet again?
:'''Diane Morgan''': Hello. I'm [[w:Carol Vorderman|Carol Vorderman]], and this is my grandmother. Yes, I will ''literally'' sell anything!
:'''Milton Jones''': I used to drink [[w:Strongbow (cider)|Strongbow]] cider with my mate Dave. But he was killed by an arrow. (to the knee)
:'''Russell Howard''': It's Christmas every day with new brussel sprout flavored condoms. Mmm, tastes like Grandma's ankles.
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Do you want your erectile dysfunction dealt with confidentially and sympathetically?  Call floppywilly.com.

==== Things You Don't Want To Hear In Hospital ====
(contracted; show full)
:'''Ed Byrne''': The Austro-Hungarian empire: definitely the toughest venue I've done stand-up in.
:'''Andy Parsons''': Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, killed in a car crash. (audience groans, Andy shrugs and walks back)
:'''Ed Byrne''': Welcome back to ''Time Team''. This man was clearly bludgeoned to death because the fucker called me Baldrick.