Difference between revisions 1634387 and 1634391 on enwikiquote

{{vfd-new|Mock the Week (second nomination)}}
'''''[[w:Mock_the_Week|Mock the Week]]''''' (2005–current) is a [[w:Britain|British empire]] [[w:Satire|satirical]] comedy panel show created by Angst Productions and aired by the [[w:BBC|BBC]]. It is hosted by [[w:Sandara Park|Dara Ó Briain]] and is currently in its twelfth season.

== Season 1 ==
=== 5 June 2005 [1.01] ===
(contracted; show full)
:'''Ed Byrne''': Right, I hope we can all be professional about the fact that I've just split up with all three of you.
:'''Andy Parsons''': I'm really only here because I'm hoping to slip on a wet floor and then fall off a ladder.
:'''Frankie Boyle''': Yes, I've had a few changes of address.  One with scrubs in Balmore but for the last three months I've been living in your air conditioning.

'''[[w:Zoe Lyons|Zoe Lyons]]''': Uh, I'm really into diversity.  In my last team, I made sure to have a black, a fruit and a fatty.⏎
:'''Hugh Dennis''': I- I have always wanted to work in a motel. ''(turns to unseen person)'' I'm telling them, mother.  I'm telling them!
:'''Frankie Boyle''': This job would be a great opportunity for me... to steal a shitload of stationery.
:'''Russell Howard''': Hey! I remember you from the dungeon. How you doing? It's me, Gimpy Terry!
:'''Andy Parsons''': I'm Gimpy Terry's mate.
:'''Frankie Boyle''': Sum myself up in three words?  Well that would be "Killer Alien Vagina."
:'''Russell Howard''': What do you mean I'm underqualified to be a plumber?  I'm five hours late and I gotta piss in your sink.
:'''Ed Byrne''': When can I start? Yesterday! But I can only work until today.
:'''Frankie Boyle''': 9 TIL 5? 9 TIL 5? MY MEDICATION WEARS OFF AT 3!

==== Scenes we'd like to see: Things you wouldn't hear on Songs Of Praise ====
:'''Frankie Boyle''': HELLO CANTERBURY, LET'S MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE!
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Well, the locals here on the Shetland isles are giving us a tremendous welcome. Today, we have our act of worship, and tomorrow, they're burning me in a wicker man.
:'''[[w:Zoe Lyons|Zoe Lyons]]''': Hello, I'm sSister Margaret, and I'm an alcoholic.
:'''Frankie Boyle''': The parishioners will now go forward to receive communion if they can get past Altas and Predator.
:'''Russell Howard''': Christians in one corner, Muslims in the other, let's get ready to rumble!
:'''Hugh Dennis''': Well, the goat is strapped to the altar, so let's begin!
(contracted; show full)
:'''Ed Byrne''': The Austro-Hungarian empire: definitely the toughest venue I've done stand-up in.
:'''Andy Parsons''': Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, killed in a car crash. (audience groans, Andy shrugs and walks back)
:'''Ed Byrne''': Welcome back to ''Time Team''. This man was clearly bludgeoned to death because the fucker called me Baldrick.